Booty Queen!

Mirror Mirror On The Wall
I know I am The Fairest Of All
But Now I Will  Keep You At Bay
And  Check Facebook 10 Times A Day!!

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Rain Reign…

Nothing lasts forever
Not even the wonderful monsoon
Those lovely romantic rainy days
Will bring joy and then, be gone soon…

Moody Foodie!

When people are tense
And tend to brood
They either skip meals
Or eat more food…

Skill v/s. Will

When selecting a new employee
I’d prefer to give some latitude,
To a person who lacks some skills
But has got the right attitude...

Numbing Fact

The secret to your destiny
And all the riches and fame
According to a numerologist
Are in the numbers in your name…

No Noose Is Good News!

The necktie reflects man’s state of mind
And it isn’t just a quirk
That deadly noose around his neck
Symbolizes the atmosphere at work

Necktor…

I have a crick in the neck
Now don’t you ask me why
Oh well – if you so insist
I was learning to wear a Tie…

Hearty Advice

People say that Absence
Makes the heart grow fonder
I suggest, be careful, lest
It make the heart go yonder!

Malignant Rumour

Why judge a person by what others say
Why not use your own gut feeling
We  judge the person being talked about
But not the one doing the “squealing”

Bridge On The River Why!

A smart Trainer reads up a lot
After all he is like a Widget
He thrives on maintaining a knowledge gap
And then gets paid to bridge it!

Net Effect!

I hate it when the Internet acts up
Without the slightest warning
I have been trying to access my mail
Right since yesterday morning

Looking Down!

Said one participant to another
“How does the Trainer expect to serve us
With his know-it-all attitude
He will only make us more nervous…”

Marriage Wow!

I wrote this in jest – a few days ago. Just a bit of nonsensical humour!

Marriages are great
But I wonder why
Marriage vows don’t say
“Conditions Apply”

Charge Of The Light Brigade!

They pack so many apps into a phone
Yet phones aren’t getting any larger
Now why doesn’t some one start work on
Creating a smaller Charger…

X Effect…

Those days are not far away
When the cameras on your phones
Will take photocopies of your documents
And X-Rays of your bones…

Square Deal?

Inventions don’t match
And inventors don’t care
Camera lenses are round
But photographs are square!

Hunger For Work

Just when evening hunger pangs
Start to bother me
The boss gives me loads of work
And manages to smother me…

Class Monitor?

Time to buy an LCD monitor
My old monitor is on the blink
Today, monitors are getting larger
While their prices have begun to shrink…

Diet Choke!

I received a call from a friend
She asked me why I had gone quiet
Where were the poems that I regularly post
Had I gone on a verbal diet?

Celliberation Time!

The cellphone is a useful tool
I realise it more than ever
I set reminders for my anniversary
Now ain’t I real clever?!!

The Millionheir

A self styled Internet Marketing Guru
Sends me spam that always hollers
“For 10 bucks I promise to show you how
To earn a million dollars!”

Salutation!

Excess gas causes global warming
And excess noise pollutes
Then why is it that excess cash
Gets you so many salutes?

Resolushun!

The New Year is a New bunch of 12 months
It is just a frame of reference
Resolve to improve, or improve your resolve
Whatever be your preference

Happening New Year!

New Year resolutions are a fad
That is what people say
But I have always stuck to mine
For an entire day!

Horsing Around

Dashing through the snow
In a 10 horsepower car
I zipped through the winding slopes
And got a nasty scar!

Tell Me Why

When gold prices are rising
People are overjoyed
Then why does an increase in food price
Make them so annoyed?

Single Malt!

Mingle Belles Mingle Belles
Mingle all the way
It is my bad luck that I have been
Single all the way!

An Apple A Day

One thing that amazes me
And it’s something I can’t grapple
Is how they constantly innovate
And introduce new products at Apple

Raise A Toast

This is the time to ask for a raise
It’s time to praise the boss
To expect the same generosity from him
That we expect from Santa Claus

On Borrowed Time

This poem was insipred by a comment that a friend Kasturi made in an earlier post of mine – titled Here Today Gone Tomorrow.

There is a great likelihood
That a lot of a person’s sorrows
Are a direct result of
The money that he borrows

Kill Bill…

I took them to a posh restaurant
Where we enjoyed fantastic food
We had a great time out there
Until the bill spoilt my mood…

Etiquette

I hate this thing called Etiquette
Of doing things in a certain manner
Following a list of do’s and don’ts
And always coming under a scanner…

Hear Hear!!!

I once went to discotheques
And would sit near the loudspeaker
All that enjoyment has led to
My hearing becoming weaker…

Here Today – Gone Tomorrow!

They say what you know today
Is not valid tomorrow
How I wish that applied
To the money that I borrow!

The Jet-Setter!

Since I don’t travel so much
I can’t boast of Jet Lag
But I make up by surfing the net
And boasting of Net Lag!

Blogger’s Log

Ever since
I started this blog
All I have done
Is slog and slog…

Got Your Oat!

At home I am the gourmet chef
I always make a big deal
Of the breakfast that I prepare
Including the humble oatmeal!

Out Of Bounds

A man’ s home is his castle
He will protect it with fervour
The same applies to our computer room
That houses the office server…

No Pain No Gain!

Congrats Mr. General Manager
How did you climb the corporate ladder
“I worked so hard and never took breaks
Not even to empty my bladder!”

East Meets West

East is east and west is west
Never the twain shall meet
Except when you go to any
Multicuisine restaurant to eat

Boss’ Strategy

An idle mind is a Devil’s workshop
So let’s just keep him busy
Give him so much work that he
Get’s into a tizzy!

E-loquence

Shopping on the internet
Is aptly called e-Shopping
Then why is ‘surfing the Internet’
Not aptly called e-Hopping?

Cash Strapped

Said one handbag to another
I am tired of carrying cash
The friend retorted “You are better off
I am only carrying trash…”

Channelising Energies

Said the frightened remote control
With an overused control panel
“I have seen fights in the family
Over the choice of a channel…”

What’s In A Name?

“What’s in a name” people may ask
But I don’t think it would be a Fun Day
If we renamed all the days of the week
And called Monday a Sunday!

Smell A Rat?

Said the happening Deodorant
“I hide many a smell
Sadly,  some men think, I can help
Attract many a Belle…”

The Argument

The IPOD is a handy tool
When things go horribly wrong
My wife continues to argue with me
While I secretly enjoy a song!

BraveHeart!

I trekked up like Edmund Hillary
And I whistled a lively tune
I braved the heat and the wind
And conquered the sand dune!

Salsa Fever

My past attempt at Salsa
Ended in disaster
My Salsa partner wears a grin
While my hand is cast in plaster!

Carless Whisper

Twinkle twinkle little star
I’ve been planning to buy a car
But petrol prices are so high
No wonder I’ve been fighting shy…

Battered Husband!

The kitchen smells wonderful
As my wife makes some batter
And fries pakoras in sizzling oil
No wonder I am growing fatter…

Star At-traction!

My wife says it serves me right
Now that I am in traction
She wants to know why, at this age
I danced like Michael Jackson…

Science Friction

Arguments are a way of life
I can say it with conviction
Every day my wife & I
Have this constant friction…

Tooth & Nail

The pen is mightier than the sword
With it you can write strong articles
But my weapon is the humble toothpick
To fight those damn food particles…

Hair Apparent

I brush my teeth twice a day
And shampoo my hair quite often
I keep praying for pearly whites
And hope my hair will soften…

The Show Off

You think your coach was tough
But my coach made me practice
High Jump over huge bushes
Of thorny plants and cactus!

Hic Hic Hurray!

Beer is probably a man’s best friend
So what if it gives him a belly
What better companion
With whom to watch the Telly!

Sibling Quibbling

What is this life
If full of care
If everything
I have to share…

Grave Talk!

With one foot on a banana skin
And one foot in the grave
I might as well enjoy life
I dont think I should save…

Inkorporated!

I have a computer printer
That takes up too much ink
Each time I want a printout
My heart begins to sink…

Pest Control

Be warned – computer owner
You simply have to hire us
For a tidy sum we promise
To remove that pesky virus!

Thought For Food

What is it about street food
The Pav Bhaji & Samosas
Home food never tasted as good
As the street-side Idli-Dosas!

Card-a-mum

My credit card is a great friend
I can buy things with a sweep
My wife smiles for the next few days
While I go home and weep…

Purrfect Solution!

I wanted to buy a lovely car
But the EMIs were way too high
So instead of hearing the engine’s purr
I setttled for a deep sigh…

Tol Mol Aur Bol

Our local jeweller is a savvy guy
He measures customers by the tola
The smaller buyers are offered water
While the richer ones get a Cola!

Wait & Watch!

Dial 1 if you really want
To speak to our supervisor
Hopefully, the long long wait
Will make you a lot more wiser!

Cheer Up!

The game of cricket has now changed
With the format called 20 – 20
There will be action and drama
And cheerleaders aplenty!

Merry Go Round!

My unsuspecting boss thinks I am at work
While I am at a party, making merry
All those busy looking emails to him
Are being sent from my new Blackberry!

Humpty Dumped Thee!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty made a quick call
All the Customer Care Executives, women and men
Made sure Humpty would never call again…

Hair Today – Gone Tomorrow!

Life is full of contradictions
Life just isn’t fair
While some men shave twice a day
I pray for some more hair…

Call Centre IVR

Now that you are here by accident
How can we let you go?
Dial 1 for an eternal wait
Dial 2 for a wait more slow!

Accentric!

Nikhil or Nik, I care a fig
Just stop being a tormentor
Leave that fake accent behind
When you’re not in your Call Centre!

Snow White!

Mary had a very good friend
Whose hair was white as snow
Every week she dyed her hair
Coz the colour was sure to go

Jingle Jangle

Imagine this to be a recorded sing-song message that you get while you are on hold. Repeat the verse in your mind, 3 times in succession!

Complaints to us
Are nothing new
Please hold the line
You are in Queue

Child’s Play

“Now we’ll play another game”
Said the enthusiastic Trainer
The class sat wondering why he didn’t
Become an Entertainer…

Hold On!

Thank you for calling XYZ
You happen to be in Queue
The patient men may Dial 1
The Quitters may Dial 2

Laughter – The Best Medicine

A poem a day, keeps the doctor away
I’ll share a simple trick
Write poems, like the ones out here
And the doctor is sure to fall sick!

Homework Blues!

I really hate the irritating way
My teacher keeps on forcing
Loads of homework down my throat
Now I am thinking of outsourcing!

The Secret Wish!

How I wish there was a pill
Or for that matter, an injection
That would help me hide my wrinkles
And give me a new compexion!

Food For Thought!

For once I complimented my wife
And said the food was tasty
She said it was cooked by the maid
Now I wonder why I was so hasty!

Clothes Encounter!

Oh Dear! The maid is here!
I am in a real quandary
If I don’t give her three days’ leave
She refuses to do the laundry!

ToyBoy!

When we were little kids
Dad gave us toys like Mechano
But today’s kids will settle for
Nothing less than a Nano!

Ad Guy To Client

Trust me sir, customers will pay
You really don’t need to panic
You can easily increase the price
If you call the products Organic

Password Please!

A password for my ATM
A password for my plumber
Hasn’t today’s man become
A mere six-digit number???

The Job Seeker

Baa Baa Black Marketer
Have you any pull
Yes Sir, Yes Sir
Just give me three bags full

Jack & Jilt

Jack and all, went to the mall
To fetch some mineral water
Jack fell down and said with a frown
“The price – It’s sheer slaughter!”

Food For Thought

What is this life
If full of care
No fancy food
In the frigidaire…

Check Mate!

In our times, marriages meant
Checking Mangal, Ketu, Rahu
Today’s kids are a different lot
They check things out on Yahoo

WhyBrary!

I would once trudge to libraries
Now I am a bit more frugal
All I need is a few key words
And I get what I want – on Google!

I Seek You!

Find long lost friends easily
Share memories, sweet and bitter
All you need is simple tools
Like Facebook, Orkut & Twitter

Love At First Site!

This was written during the first dotcom boom/bubble, when some investors were blindly betting on dotcom companies

Cupid’s arrow struck the investor
He asked her “Where are you from?”
Coyly she replied “Does it matter sir?
My surname is Dotcom!!”

Cheque Mate!

E-commerce may not take off
I’ll tell you why it will fail
It’s a wee bit tough, to tell a guy
“Your cheque is in the Email”

A Technologist’s Oath

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
Every 6 months
Obsolescence is a must

Ryze & Shine!

This was posted by me on Ryze – a networking site

Bit by bit & hit by hit
I’ve been Ryzing to the occasion
Thank God, no one’s asked me for
My Age, Sex & Location!!!

Wife’s Woes

Water water everywhere
But not a drop to drink
Haven’t I been telling you
To repair that damn sink???

Call That A Bargain?

“Buy 2 shoes
And get 1 Free”
Now I wonder what
I’ll do with three!!!

Rise & Shine!

Rise & shine my dear friend
This ain’t the time for shirking
Wake up – smell the coffee, dear
Its time to start networking!!!

Gold Is Old!

All that glitters is not gold
FD’s & Debentures are now old
It’s insurance for the one who cares
He also opts for funds and shares

Today’s Johnny

Johnny Johnny

Yes Papa?

Someone with you?

No Papa!

Telling lies?

No Papa!!!

Open the door

Ha! Ha! Ha!